Rules for the loved ones
of anxiety, panic & OCD sufferers

by Charles Linden, MD, The Linden Centres

Here are some of my 'tips' for the loved ones of anxiety and panic sufferers which assist in building the 'environment of change' necessary for recovery to happen.

1. NEVER criticise or condemn the anxiety or panic sufferer for their actions or words! Be sure to never undermine how the sufferer is feeling. The sufferer is anxious and nothing you can say will help. Be quietly supportive - when the sufferer knows how to stop anxiety and panic, they will.

2. Anxiety sufferers are experiencing the sensations and thoughts associated with extreme threat and fear. Regardless of how strange, untrue or unfamiliar that is to you, believe that the sufferer finds it very real and very disturbing indeed. They are NOT weak or silly... they feel terrified!

3. NEVER crowd a sufferer during a panic attack or high anxiety; if they need to be alone or to walk away, allow them to; they will call you or return when they are ready. A sufferer doesn't always need hugs or for you to follow them as they pace around. Allow the sufferer to do as THEY wish during high anxiety or panic.

4. If you want to do something useful for the sufferer when they are panicking, give them a glass of cold water to swill around their mouth to activate the dive response which slows the heart rate.

5. NEVER tell a sufferer to 'pull themselves together' or 'get a grip' - do you think sufferers want to be this way? If it were so easy to 'get a grip', don't you think they would? Sufferers don't YET have the tools to stop anxiety or panic... don't ever assume they have the control but fail to use it.

6. NEVER try to reason with a sufferer when they panic or feel anxious. Reason has no meaning to a sufferer during high anxiety... they KNOW that their anxiety is inappropriate, but they are, at that time, unaware and therefore powerless of what to do about it.

7. NEVER FORCE them to go somewhere, or do something, that increases their anxiety - anxiety elimination must be structured, supportive and measured... forcing them to do things which increases anxiety only serves to push anxiety levels higher when not done in conjunction with a structured anxiety elimination programme.

8. DO NOT threaten a sufferer with consequences if they DON'T get well. Many people will threaten having the sufferer committed or threaten some kind of unpleasant consequence of their behaviour to try and get the sufferer to 'snap out' of their anxiety. Again, sufferer's behaviours aren't wanted or consciously selected, so threats won't help... please stop them!

9. Sufferers often experience disturbing thoughts, which remain secret to them. Please be mindful that these thoughts can make the sufferer very uncomfortable or scared. Some of their thoughts are of an aggressive or sexual nature. Don't presume that a sufferer is coping and is clear of mind... deep inside, there could be turmoil and despair beneath the surface caused by thoughts which scare them.

"These 9 tips are a selection of useful devices for you to use during your recovery which go 'part way' to building the environment for recovery outlined in the Linden Method pack. In The Linden Method manual, you will find more 'tips for family & carers' in the chapter specifically designed for them...

Your recovery won't happen until you have 'set up' your life in a way which creates anxiety elimination... but when you do this, changes happen naturally and quickly! Join The Linden Method now to get the full programme."

Charles Linden
Author of The Linden Method^® and
MD of The Linden Centres