Phobia

"Charles, I am not one to share with perfect strangers my problems with anxiety/agoraphobia but I feel like I owe it to myself, you and others to share my experience with this program.

I have suffered from panic disorder with agoraphobia since I was a young child. By the time I was 21 I was completely house bound. This was back in the early eighties and there was not much known about panic and Agoraphobia and it was usually treated with Valium, Centrax, etc. I would go from doctor to doctor trying to find someone to help me but the usual response was for me to loose weight. I know it sounds like a silly response but believe me, when you're overweight loosing weight is the "cure all" for any medical or emotional problems you might have. I then started admitting myself into Psychiatric hospitals hoping that they might find some miracle cure, which of course they didn't. It wasn't until Prozac came out that my anxiety symptoms became more "bearable" that I could work and try and live as normal a life as possible.

On Prozac I was able to find a job working continuous graveyard shifts all alone in a Data Processing department which made it easier for me to function. Alone at night without anyone in the Business Office except for myself made it easier to deal with my anxiety. Of course once I left my job I went home to an empty apartment with very rare occasions where I went out or even spent time with friends. I never got married and I never had children. I saw my friends getting married and starting families one by one and I waited and prayed that this would happen to me. Again, of course it didn't.

Now fast forward twenty something years and I'm in my middle 40's and I am still alone fighting every day to be able to live as normal as possible. My graveyard job is gone and I was now forced to try and fit into everyday life. I would constantly make great progress and then have this horrible panic attack and start hiding out again. I guess some people would have given up by now but something inside of me kept me going with the little voice saying "someday you'll live a normal life". Really, all I every wanted was a normal life. I didn't want to be rich or some slim, gorgeous blond, I just wanted to be able to make plans and go places and do things without constantly having to fight anxiety.

I then ordered your program because one night late I typed into my computer 'panic, anxiety' and your web site came up. I ordered your program and with a few minor inconveniences, I finally received the program. I followed it religiously and started applying the steps. The most helpful to me was the Panic CD which I played over and over again to instill in my head the points that you made. I have to tell you the greatest statement you made in your program that I constantly say over and over again when I get into "sticky" situations is: "Don't accommodate your anxiety". I didn't realize how much I did this until I started paying attention.

Today I am take courses in a town 2 hours away from here. I have to drive alone in heavy traffic to get there which I do once every 7-10 days. I stay at school the whole day and when I leave I sometimes spend the night at my sister's home or I go shopping. I have even went through a whole, crowed shopping mall, which I haven't been able to do in over 25 years. I know I am not totally cured or will I ever be. I have learned to accept the person I am and deal with my problems and keep going on. I learned that I am the only person who can help me and I have done this through your program. It is as simple as following your nine pillars and doing the relaxation cd and the panic cd and truly, truly believe what you say because it is true. I will not die or faint when I have an attack and I say to myself to "bring it on" and I deal with the anxiety and each time I deal with it it gets weaker and weaker. I consider myself 90% cured and I have you to thank for this and I just wanted you to know this and how much I appreciate your help. You are truly one of the good guys."

Matt Riusech

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